Since yesterday, I had been deciding whether or not to post this. It's personal in a way and I know that I don't have to tell you guys, but I want to.
I have been babysitting for a long time now. A long time as in, seven years (yes, since I was eight years old...no joke) and every Monday morning from 9:00 until 11:00 I babysit five kids. Their ages are 10, 9, 7, 5, and 3 years old.
Babysitting used to be a huge part of me. I can remember being my little eight year old self and helping two other girls babysit each Monday and asking my mom, "When can I get paid too?" One year after another I waited and waited, and finally when I was twelve years old, the time came where I was the official babysitter. And I loved it. I thoroughly enjoyed playing with the kids, their high energy, holding the toddlers, fixing them their snacks, and I especially liked getting paid at the end of the day for having fun.
It felt as if I was getting paid just for having fun.
But now, things are different. Much different.
Since this past December, whenever I babysit each Monday or get a babysitting job (even if it's only one kid), I feel nervous and stressed. I, myself, did not even know why I was feeling that way...until now. I realized yesterday after I got home from babysitting that the stress and nervousness is the whole idea of having to watch the kids.
You are probably thinking, "Oh come on, it's just five kids! No big deal..." Yes, it is a big deal. To me at least. A huge deal. I do not like going to babysit and feeling stressed. Stressed to where, I almost start worrying and to the point that I even get major headaches while watching the kids.
Since December, it's like I honestly (I can't believe I am even about to say this) hate babysitting. I dread the whole idea of having to keep up with, watch, and care for five kids. It is not that the kids misbehave, are disrespectful, or mean or anything. It's just that I truly feel like I need to stop babysitting once and for all.
I have been praying about it too, and I really do think that yesterday (Monday) God let me feel the most stressed I have ever felt babysitting in my life, to tell me, "Anna Gray, your time is up." I can't quite put a finger on what made yesterday so bad while I babysat, but something did.
After I got home yesterday, I told Mom how I was feeling about the whole babysitting ordeal, and she understood. However, her first response was, "How will you be getting money though? And for your camera..." I actually thought about that too, and if I had the choice of continuing on with babysitting while feeling overwhelmed and stressed but getting money, or not babysitting while feeling relaxed and at ease but not getting money, I would definitely go with "not getting money."
Mom and I talked to Daddy about it last night, and he also gave the "Ok" on me quitting babysitting. I need you lovely readers to do me a favor though...
...This coming Monday I am going to unleash the floodgate to the ladies I babysit for, and I need you guys to pray for me. I honestly am scared about telling them. I know their personalities very well (they are SO understanding, caring, and sweet), but I still am nervous. Please pray that they would be ok with my decision, that I would not be nervous about telling them, and that they will be able to find a new babysitter (while I am mentioning all of that, why not throw in good night sleeps for me too?).
As for now, I am going to continue on babysitting until the end of May, but after that...I'm done; and I already am not taking anymore babysitting jobs other than babysitting each Monday.
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11