Breaking the Body Image Contract

Sometimes, I wish I could go back in time, and talk some sense into my 17 year old self. I’m sure I’ll feel that way 5 years from now about my now 22 yr. old self. 😉 I’ve been drafting a blog post on why I no longer abide by my chronic, perfect, pure “Vegan diet”. And it got me thinking about just how far I’ve come from who I used to be. I can close my eyes and revisit and almost FEEL those same sensations of being a broken, body image obsessed 17 yr. old.

 The other day, a client somberly told me of her athletic, strong, beautiful 17 yo. daughter who, despite her talent in her sport and glorious, muscular frame...hated her “big legs”.

And I was immediately taken back to a time where I used to be ashamed of my body and my “big legs” too. 

I can close my eyes and remember the way I was only happy if the scale was in the double digits.. I recall spending hours working on a face that I feared letting go bare. And I recall so many gatherings, holidays, birthdav parties, or dinners out either forcing myself to just have water and a crappy salad with some balsamic, or enduring the relentless guilt and shame that accompanied if I caved in and binged. And then, finding some way to rid myself of the “toxic, polluting, imperfect” calories. 

Today, I went for a run and glanced down at those same “big legs” moving. 2 years ago, I would have cringed seeing my inner thighs flapping around. I wouldn’t have worn the tight, tush hugging shorts that I did this morning. And I certainly wouldn’t have glanced down and thought, “My legs look strong today,” like I did this morning.

I wish I could go back and tell 17 yo. AG that her giant quads on her small stature were not a bad thing; that there is beauty in strength. I would tell her to eat not 1, but 2 slices of totally *not vegan* pizza at the gathering, dip it in ranch, and enjoy the heck out of it with 0 remorse. I would tell her to wipe off the layers of foundation and let her pale skin go bare; acne scars, red undertones, and all. I would tell her to seriously ditch the scale and just enjoy the exercise and enjoy eating for health, instead of treating it like a legal contract.

I want to remind you of the same thing. Are you fighting your body? Forcing it to go above and beyond? Setting unattainable expectations on yourself and forever comparing your thigh gap to the 5’11 Insta runway model’s? I’m not here to write out a magic fix, but I want to remind you to step back and actually enjoy life. 

Enjoy that long, 12 mile run instead of doing it for the sake of losing a pound. Enjoy what you’re eating and do so for liveliness and longevity, instead of a vicious, legalistic calorie count or “diet”. And appreciate your body and what it is able to do, treat it with kindness and compassion, and remember the strength and progress you have developed, rather than slaving over who you wish you could be.