Fighting For Change: Habits & Dreams

 I'm a huge believer in the "Divine timing" of things. Often times, I will pray for an answer or specific clarity on something, but sometimes completely miss how it is unfolding right smack in front of my face.

At first, that is...

My prayer the past 8 months has been specific in some ways, vague in others, desperate in some, but basically boiled down to this: "God, what am I supposed to do with my life??" You would think that Los Angeles, my 12 year prayer, once favorite place on the planet, and big, crazy dream would be the holy grail of the "answer" to my life. I know I did. I thought that once I moved out here, suddenly everything would fall into place, I would network and stumble upon some of the same, insane connections I did on my 2 week visits out here as a teenager, and have most of it figured out.

Newsflash: I didn't. And I still don't. Actually, I am not really sure if anyone really does, and the more life I live, the more I realize that I truly do not think that humans are destined for THAT one thing. It's like we wait for this huge Billy Graham or Oprah moment of success and influence among millions. I think, however, that we are meant to endure many different seasons of life, and sometimes? Those Billy Grahams and Oprahs are, well - the Billy Grahams and Oprahs they are for a reason - and not every individual is going to fill those shoes. And yet, I think that we often equate success and the words of a job well done by means of the quantity of work we do, quantity of lives we touch, quantity of money we make. Anyone else sense a common denominator?

This week, I had the opportunity to attend a JuicePlus+ LIVE conference in Sacramento. My friend/former teacher from NC, Alice, has THE biggest heart for helping others, and combined with her passion for this company (that was able to replace the complex burden of dragging out her juicer in a fight for her own health years ago), mentioned via phone about a conference coming to CA. I had been using the JP+ Complete Powder after my runs last summer, and so I was interested in learning more about the product. And so, I road tripped from LA to Sacramento last Wednesday. A huge theme throughout each of the speakers at the convention was obviously dreaming BIG and accomplishing those dreams - but more so - digging into being PRODUCTIVE vs. BUSY, which really honed in on identifying how each of these can either be a stumbling block in personal and professional growth..or useful in really the QUALITY of our time vs the QUANTITY. One speaker, in particular, makes the most of a whole, 1 whopping hour, and yet is able to hustle and get. stuff. done.

I had no idea that I would resonate so deeply with the heart of this conference. Yes, one ultimatum is to obviously spur on those who sell for this business and to inspire the newbies to jump on the bandwagon. But the focus was equally an intrinsic viewpoint of fighting for change, breaking habits, and slaying those demons that keep you in that never-ending cycle of going in circles, and getting (ding ding ding) nowhere.

A few weeks ago, Sully and I shared some "grieving moments" of habits we've been stuck in - those pesky little guys that tag along to feed apathy and prolong success - but what we're going to do to either A) Break them. B) Replace them. Take a look at this clip from Olympic gold medalist, Shannon Miller from this past weekend.

Hearing her words so boldly resonated with me. It wasn't Shannon Miller just "being Shannon Miller" that brought her talent, success, and a gold medal. It was the dirty work, the in betweens, the 1%s, and the behind the scenes work that nobody else sees. The work was hard, but she still showed up.

2 years ago, I would post about every. single. long run. I had for a half marathon. I would add how long I would be running to my Instagram story, and then share my story or "war story" (if it involved purging red gatorade, almost sh*tting my pants, ya know, all the goods!). And you know what I realized?

The art of posting that - writing it down, just like one might do in a journal or a dietary notebook - held me accountable, and forced me to show up and do the dirty work. And so here, right now on this little slice of cyber world, I am going to do just that. I've had goals and dreams and a few slightly insane aspirations in mind for a while now. Some I've been working on; others I want to start working on. This one, I've been working on since its building phase in October...

I want to run my little tush off and qualify for the Boston Marathon

...Which means pounding out a 3:30 marathon.
...Which really means pounding out a 3:28ish marathon, to ensure there's a spot for me to get in, since #BOS fills up fast with its qualifiers itching to run the famous course.

This one is a little more daunting, because my first marathon experience was slightly horrific. Flicks of my pace group leaving me in the dust at mile 17, a woman crying and the pacer patting her on the back, walk-running the last 6ish miles, trying not to throw up and sucking on an orange after the finish line, and trying to walk up stairs 26.2 miles + a pair of crunchy knees later, all come vividly to mind. I silently swore right then and there that I would never run a marathon again. Ever. In fact, I had no desire to run a single mile after that. The once newly obsessed gal with running and the weekend long run being the big, exciting highlight, the boxes of Clif Bars, hours spent (yes, hours) creating running playlists, signing up for a bunch of road races and tagging along with a running group and then finishing......(deep exhale) the marathon...and it all vanished.

(Cannonball Half 2016 - suffering mid-run, but circa my newly found running obsession)

(Myrtle Beach Marathon 2017)

And then, I started dating a runner. 

And this runner thrived off of the marathon. And qualified for/ran the Boston Marathon in 2018. Something funny happens when you date someone who is an enthusiast about something. It's like you blink - and wait, what the heck?! - suddenly you find yourself fixated and enthusiastic about the same, exact thing. And so, shortly after I packed up my joy for running in a little suitcase and stuffed it away, I found myself ready to train for another marathon. And so, 2 years later, after mending a few little health scares, resetting my crappy nutrition (aka being an #ExVegan and eating more than rice cakes and peanut butter. A whole entire post on THAT in the works.;)) sleep schedule, and fully trusting Sully as my built in coach, I am committed to (slowly but surely;)) training these next 6 months (including a few months of the base miles), and yes - running my little tush off - so that I can indeed run my marathon to be #BostonStrong.

(Supporting my guy at the 2018 Boston Marathon!)

(Post run in Los Angeles downpour #LikeABoss 😎)

But along with the hype and excitement of dreams and ambitions, there also comes a new array of demons to slay and habits to conquer. So, I present to you...

HABITS TO BREAK/MAKE:

-Making every run count. It's easy for me to rationalize "Why" I cut it 5 minutes short or will do it tomorrow instead or have been stressed and didn't run well. The truth is: If something is important enough to you, you WILL make time to do it, and do it well. Even if some days are crappy. Even if one night I slept a little poorly. It's all of the 1%s, all of those small things, that merge together to create good habits, and it's the good habits that merge together to provide fruition to that end goal. 

-Seeing food as fuel. As a reformed crash dieter, perfectionist, and human known to live off of nut bars and hummus, I HAVE to provide my body with good nutrition. Thankfully, I no longer diet, but when life happens and my cortisol levels are surging, it is easy for me to focus so much on what is stressing me out, that eating a good, satiating meal is at the bottom of my priority list, I forget to cook, and end up feeling super fatigued and crappy. No more just "grabbing a granola bar real quick". No more "Well, I was really stressed and didn't have time to cook." Nope. None. I will meal prep and make my time in the kitchen as important as the miles on the road. 

-Maintenance work being a must. This is also what I call those prehab, injury preventing exercises. They're the seemingly simple ones, but often neglected. It's those things such as: Foam rolling, stretching, joint mobility, core work, low body work, sleeping (not just "resting") 8-9 hours, and perhaps a massage or 2 (Raise your hand if you're a therapist and haven't even had a massage yourself in the past 6 months. *raises hand**is that just me*). And just like the importance of making time for each run, so it goes with the maintenance work to accompany it. I am typically consistent with foam rolling and stretching, but in LA without a gym membership? I've gotten pretty bad at strengthening my body. And I've wondered why my triceps are flabbier??? ;)

I want to play the piano again

And by "play the piano again", I mean I basically want to relearn everything that I was taught as a scrawny little 12 year old scheduled to practice chords and scales and somehow piecing them together to play out a song. A client of mine was taken aback when I told him that I enjoyed both the arts and athletics. And I can see why, because one hones into a more emotional side, and the other is almost purely physical. I reminisced about my days in musical theatre, vocal lessons, and piano for a short period of time.

And you know - I remember the day I decided to quit. My mom wasn't going to force me to continue, but I overheard her on the phone with my teacher, who recognized that I actually was good at piano, and really desired to see me continue. Both my mom and teacher hoped that I would try just for another year. I had already taken lessons for 1 year, but I rarely found fulfillment in this new skill. When I could successfully play a song, it sparked joy. But when it was plunking out notes and learning to read music, something inside kind of withered and died. I wanted some of the end goals, but I also loathed practicing and all of the boring, relentless exercises and playing scale. after. scale. Growing up, I would easily get bored with something if it didn't immediately grant me the fruition. I could handspring and flip and body contort in gymnastics, age 8, and then quit. I could play piano by ear and by music, age 12, and then quit. When nothing new or exciting would happen in the boring as heck trainings or lessons - more of those 1%s !! - I would feel totally uninspired, and drop it. It didn't help that I wasn't really surrounded by likeminded, passionate people about the same things. I'm guessing many of the kids participating in the same classes were forced to try it, or feeling uninspired in those 1% moments as well.

And now, a 22 year old, I've found myself digging back up some of those things of the past. During my teen years, I believed the lie that I was too old to pick those things back up. I believed that if you started as a kid, then that was the only was fruition would follow. I've now grown to believe that the statistics of learning something new as adults being "harder" or "unattainable" to really be a placebo. I've learned many things and accomplished many things that one would google and see a completely different demographic for. 

And so, 11 years later, I look forward to replaying and relearning some of the same scales and notes and all the nitty gritty goods. I will blog the progress of this, just as I do with training to be #BostonStrong. ;) 

I want to invest my money

I've realized how foolishly millennials, myself included (gonna get to that in a second), spent and invest money. I used to look at young people my age with nice cars, shoes, bags, stuff and think, "WOW! They must be rich." I've realized since that much of this is A) Covered by a pretty penny in debt and things they can't actually afford. Or B) Money they already have, but is burning holes through their pockets.

 It's certainly not this way for everyone. I know plenty of young, successful people who are really smart with their money. But after seeing several people I once thought were probably millionaires with a cushy apartment frantically posting a "GoFundMe" for help, or soberly monologue writing how they had spent all of their money on...well...stuff...I began to think a bit differently. 

I used to think that I was totally on the right track, simply because I didn't use a credit card and aimlessly swipe it for coffin shaped nails and $40 foundation. I had 2 debit cards - one for everyday use, one for online purchases, and then had my savings account for backup. I thought I was already super accomplished, until one day...

...I was taking a chunk out of my savings account because all of those coffees and fun evenings out all accumulated, and I hadn't tracked those. 

Confession time: I am an emotional spender. Bad day? I deserve this $5 cup of jo. Unexpected expenses staring square in the face and suddenly unsure how to budget? "Intuitively" spend money, don't check bank account, don't budget because it's #TooStressful, and hope for the best. 

At the JuicePlus+ conference last week, one of the speakers had us write down a financial goal. For mine, I scribbled out:

"I will no longer say, 'I don't have the money for _____.'" 

In a Robert Kiyosaki book that I read a few months back, he stated that even when he and his wife were broke, homeless, and desperate, their new replacement for this was, "What can I do to make the money for _____?"

And I want to adopt the same mantra. It's easy for others to say, "But AG! You're just getting on your feet! You're new to all of this!" But the truth is that I want to be wise with my money while I am young, build good habits early, and let those follow me on into adulthood, rather than being haunted by chronic financial habits and mistakes. And with that being said...

HABITS TO BREAK/MAKE:

-Stop emotionally spending money. Even when it "feels" like the right thing to do, or I think I "deserve" the cookie after an 8 hour client day.

-Find ways to make passive income. Seasoned adults have a history of looking at me like I'm a bit ignorant and "too young" to be thinking about this. I'm interested in several different aspects of this. Some I won't mention on here, because most of my readers are seasoned adults. ;) But I do have some ideas rolling around that I am eager to gain more information on.

-Never say, "I don't have the money for _____." again. This is a long term goal. I don't expect to cross this off the list in a year. I don't expect to become some millionaire. In LA, I either see how people have foolishly maxed their credit cards, or I've seen how their never ending cycle of, "It's not in the budget," or "I don't have the money for ____." or "Well, I'm just poor." seems to almost own them. I understand that this might be a temporary state of being, but I've realized that the more we claim these phrases, the more we begin to get caught up in their cycle. My long term goal is to break this cycle. 

So all in all? I've learned that in making dreams and ambitions attainable, there also is a fight for them. And a large part of it is quite literally fighting our own mentality, crushing habits or replacing them with something life giving, and making the seasons of suckiness, 1%s, and in betweens actually count. Because in the end, they really do.

Oh, and I want to blog at least once a week. 😊

I want to know some habits you're working to break (or make!) too. Whether your head is in the clouds with ambitions and desires, or you're in the treacherous muck of making them happen, do drop a comment below and let me know what you're up to. Oh, and I believe in you. 💛